Sally Suggestions | 15 January 2023
Things discovered in real life and online that you may like too.
HARD STUFF: Grief. It is so hard. There’s no ‘how-to’ book. There’s no finishing it.
The most odd thing can trigger an ugly cry.
Grief. is. hard AF.
Recently, while packing, I came across things I’d put away (read: hid) that belonged to my mother. One was the bin I put her ‘last outfit’ in. I saw it and I quickly covered it back up and left the closet.
It’s been almost seven years (4 February 2016). Even writing this, I had to take a break to cry.
Sometimes I work really hard to stop the tears (I know it’s not always good to do that). Other times, I just become a sobbing mess.
Our relationship was complicated but it still had mad love as the foundation. It was our journey that made me who I am. The good. The bad. The US.
Our relationship was exactly what it was supposed to be. It took me a loooong time to get to the place of: ‘It happened for me vs. it happened to me’.
She was of sound mind until the end. I said everything I wanted to say.
What’s crazy, when I realized I no longer had parents, I really did feel like an ‘adult orphan’ (read that phrase in an article).
I always say, one of the things I don’t feel prepared for with aging, is all the loss that happens. But as Brené Brown says, you’ll never be prepared.
Here are some quotes/wisdom I have leaned on during times of loss (personal/others):
GO to the funeral/memorial services
Remember the important dates and reach out to let them know you’re thinking of them
“Be the things you loved most about the people who are gone.”
“What cannot be said, will be wept.” - crying is therapy
“God speaks tears.”
To be helpful, ask if you can do specific things vs. ‘let me know if you need help with anything.’
Stand in the gap the loved one left behind. For instance, do things for the person that their loved one did - be an aunt/uncle, be mothering/fathering, be sisterly/brotherly.
Sending a simple 'heart emoji’ can let them know you’re thinking of them and won’t have you feeling like you don’t know what to say.
Reach out at nighttime (nights were SO HARD for me)
Do the things you know they enjoyed.
I recently heard Shi Heng Yi advise us to ‘seek the light’ when you are feeling sad/down. Go outside for sunlight and be around people - not people you know necessarily, because you may not feel like being ‘on’.
But just being around people and in the light will be helpful. Rely on others’ light to carry you out of the darkness (paraphrased but I thought that was beautiful advice).
What’s something that’s helped you deal with loss? I’d love to hear.
and so we don’t end on sad note…..
HOME STUFF: I am in love with this brand of incense cones. The packaging. The scent. The perfection. This is not your 70s incense.
The ones I love: Lone, Tilde, AI, Targa, Ploom, and Malus - you can get a discovery set to try different scents.
“All BLACKBIRD products are handmade in our studio in Seattle, Washington, USA.
We strive to keep our products as sustainable and natural as possible…”
How do you scent your home?
THAT’S IT Y’ALL - see ya here next Sunday at 3p CT - after your brunch nap.
I’m always open to dialogue and feedback.
You can message me on Instagram @SallyMcMullin - you can also follow for daily encouragement.
Hugs & LOVE Y’all,
Sally Mc