Helping a grieving friend - I’ve been spending a lot of time with a friend this
week who lost a loved one.
She has an incredible support system. It is beautiful how everyone came together to be there for her.
As you know, when things like this happen, one of the first things people bring is, food, Food, and more FOOD!
This is great because the family doesn’t have to think about it. However, it can become overwhelming. Each night one of us is playing Jenga stacking items in the fridge.
And sadly, some of it has gone to waste because it was not eaten soon enough.
SUGGESTIONS:
consider gift cards to restaurants / stores / food delivery that the family can use as they need it
drop off items that visitors will quickly go through (e.g. paper towels, toilet tissue, hand soap, to go containers (for all the food), etc etc…)
offer to help write/type obituary or help organize/scan pictures that will be needed
be on clean-up duty certain days - this is needed with visitors coming through
What would you add to this?
Helping someone move (pack, unpack, large purge, etc)
Often the conversation is this: I’m moving. If you can help, that would be great.
OR
A friend or family member tells you they are moving and you want to help but overwhelmed with the how.
SUGGESTION:
Look at your calendar, find a couple dates when you can give a block of time and let them know: “I can help you pack/unpack Thursday 6:30-9:30p or I can help Saturday morning 7-10a”
This sets expectations for both of you + you can knock out some real work.
Also encourage the person to have tasks ready for you - offer suggestions if they are stuck (e.g. I can unpack the kitchen, I can break down all the boxes, I can organize the linen closet, etc etc…)
Helping a venting colleague / friend / spouse / lover - They come to you hyped about a problem they are having. You’ve been there, you’ve seen it, you conquered it, and you’re ready to tell them the steps to do the same.
SUGGESTION:
PAUSE and ask them: “Do you want me to listen OR do you want me to help?”
I know. I know. I KNOW. This sh*t can be hard for a problem solver, a helper, a parent, an older child, etc etc… but I personally think it is such good advice to follow.
I still mess up and jump in with unsolicited advice but I am so much better than I used to be.
How do you ‘help’ someone who is venting?
THAT’S IT Y’ALL - see ya here next Sunday at 3p CT
I’m always open to dialogue and feedback.
You can message me on Instagram @SallyMcMullin
Hugs & LOVE Y’all,
Sally Mc